5 Reasons People Won't Admit They're Wrong
Some people won't admit they're wrong right to the end, even when they clearly are.
Let's analyze why, psychologically.
Admit fault, and I have to pay a settlement. Hand over power. Take responsibility for a war. Psychology calls this the need to preserve status, or social dominance.
When ego defense kicks in, it sets off a nuclear war of attacking the other person's flaws and mistakes.
Upbringing, trauma, personality and more create confirmation bias.
A "cognitive schema" means my experience is the best guide.
Gather enough biased experiences and they harden into concrete, and statistics to the contrary become "fake news."
Someone laughs absent-mindedly and you feel they're laughing at you; someone is kind by chance and you confess your feelings and get rejected. Buy just $100 of a stock and you're sure the big players are doing everything they can to shake you out.
Since every piece of information is interpreted around yourself, you reach conclusions different from everyone else's.
My girlfriend sees a scruffy loser; I see a great vessel destined for success. How do we close that gap?
So to untangle a conversation, before correcting the facts, first read what the other person is afraid of losing: interests, control or face.
And rather than relying only on your own senses, feelings and experiences, you need to try to see yourself through a third person's eyes.
Otherwise you too might end up being called a stubborn know-it-all.
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Let's analyze why, psychologically.
1. My interests over the truth
The moment money, power, negotiation, relationship games, face or control are at stake, the truth flies off to another galaxy.Admit fault, and I have to pay a settlement. Hand over power. Take responsibility for a war. Psychology calls this the need to preserve status, or social dominance.
2. Touch my pride and you'd better be ready
An opinion is part of a person's ego. So "your idea is wrong" becomes "there's something wrong with you." If a boss accepts a subordinate's point, he feels disrespected.When ego defense kicks in, it sets off a nuclear war of attacking the other person's flaws and mistakes.
3. Only my experience is true
A student raised with a fortune spent on elite tutoring and a student who studied while going hungry can't think the same way.Upbringing, trauma, personality and more create confirmation bias.
A "cognitive schema" means my experience is the best guide.
Gather enough biased experiences and they harden into concrete, and statistics to the contrary become "fake news."
4. My feeling is the truth, and yours is delusion
Ideas of reference are the belief that "I'm the center of the world."Someone laughs absent-mindedly and you feel they're laughing at you; someone is kind by chance and you confess your feelings and get rejected. Buy just $100 of a stock and you're sure the big players are doing everything they can to shake you out.
Since every piece of information is interpreted around yourself, you reach conclusions different from everyone else's.
My girlfriend sees a scruffy loser; I see a great vessel destined for success. How do we close that gap?
In the end, the truth becomes hard to find
So to untangle a conversation, before correcting the facts, first read what the other person is afraid of losing: interests, control or face.
And rather than relying only on your own senses, feelings and experiences, you need to try to see yourself through a third person's eyes.
Otherwise you too might end up being called a stubborn know-it-all.
