What's a Stronger Psychological Force Than Revenge?

1) Three types of people at work, and the paradox of success

Givers dominate both the top and the bottom
Taker: someone who only looks out for themselves
Matcher: someone who keeps give-and-take perfectly even
Giver: someone who gives first

Research found (as Adam Grant famously showed) that both the most successful people and the least successful were givers.
The difference was one thing:
Givers who protect their own interests while giving,
or givers who foolishly give everything away and get taken advantage of.

The decisive difference between successful and failing givers
Successful people are kind, but not pushovers.
They give while also looking after themselves.

People who fail are kind, but naive.
They give everything unconditionally and end up stripped bare.

2) The short-term win and long-term fall of takers

Reputation damage, consequences and a toxic work culture
Takers who only look out for themselves seem to do well at first.
But later their reputation collapses and everyone around them cuts ties.
Even one taker in a company can poison the whole atmosphere.

A real-life boomerang
Here's a real example.
One person kept undermining and bullying a new hire at work.
It got around, and his own reputation was wrecked.

Later he came to his senses and helped mentor a different new hire,
and that new hire rose to a very important position and rescued him during a crisis.

3) The emptiness of revenge and the delayed reward of kindness

Emotions and opportunities that reverse over time
Revenge seems like winning at first.
"Ha, I won," and it feels good.
But just like in a drama, the other person's anger builds for a lifetime,
and at some critical moment, you get hit hard from behind.

Kindness seems like losing at first.
"Why am I even doing this?"
But over time, the person you helped grows and becomes your ally,
and later help and opportunities come back to you twice over.

4) Research on wise generosity

Healthy boundaries create a sustainable pattern of success
Recent research reaches the same conclusion:
Kindness that fails is giving without boundaries and sacrificing everything.
Kindness that succeeds is giving smartly while protecting what's yours.

In one line:
Kindness comes back with the same force as the anger of revenge.
But it only comes back as real success to those who give wisely.

Conclusion: the boomerang law and biblical wisdom

You reap what you sow, and the right timing for giving
"Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling." (Proverbs 26:27)

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, 'Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it.'" (Proverbs 3:27-28)