Why Women Often Sit Only With Other Women at Cafés
1) Gender differences in how space is felt
How men and women experience a stranger of the opposite sex nearby
At cafés you often see groups of women taking a whole sofa or table, while men sit apart on chairs along the wall. Why does this happen when we're not living in the 1800s? Men and women seem to experience the same space very differently. A man might think, "Lucky me," when a woman he doesn't know sits nearby. When a man sits close to a woman, her internal processor starts overheating.
2) "Evaluation management mode" and conscious stress
Unconscious energy spent on being watched
Evaluation management mode ON: unconsciously, she's spending energy on "Does my posture look weird? My face? How does it look that I'm on my phone?" Research suggests women become more conscious of their posture, expression, clothing and even conversation when a stranger of the opposite sex is near.
3) Vigilance in public spaces and same-gender preference
Blocking potential anxiety and preferring the comfort of the same gender
Alert mode ON: surveys by YouGov in Britain and data from UN Women show that many women feel unsafe in public spaces. Social network research has repeatedly observed gender homophily, the tendency to connect more comfortably with people of the same gender. "Is he looking at me? Is he going to talk to me?" On subways, there's also the problem of unwanted physical contact.
4) The many uses of a woman's bag as a privacy barrier
More than storage: a physical and psychological shield for claiming space
A woman's bag has many uses. It's not just a bag. The scale alone is different. A big bag is a shield on the subway, and at a café, unpacked onto the next chair, it's large enough to secure some privacy. [Wallet, keys, phone, power bank, laptop, tablet, earphones, makeup kit, mirror, perfume, hand cream, sanitary products, wet wipes, tissues, handkerchief, mask, tumbler, snacks, umbrella, light jacket, a book, plus seasonal extras]
5) Why women prefer women-dominated spaces
A defense mechanism to rest fully, free from being watched
In short, one reason women who don't even know each other gather together, or choose women's colleges, is that they don't want their processor overheating in a space that's supposed to be for rest.
Conclusion: reading a biblical warning about the desiring gaze
Cutting off the habit of treating women as objects of evaluation and desire
"Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28) It's a hard verse to interpret, but it feels fair to read it as saying: stop the habit of looking at women as objects of evaluation and desire, at the root.
