When Good Becomes Bad and Bad Becomes Good: The Dilemma of Hardship

The Cinderella twist

Cinderella's stepsisters, and their equivalents in the Korean folk tale of Kongjwi and Patjwi, were raised delicately and preciously by their mother, so they grew lazy and spoiled.
Cinderella and Kongjwi, on the other hand, were mistreated, so they grew hardworking and humble.

Here's the parents' dilemma. Raise a child too gently, and they'll be shocked when they go out into the world. They'll give up easily on work and marriage.
Raise them harshly, and they'll adapt easily to the world. But they'll hold a grudge against their parents.

Is my trial a blessing or a curse?

Without worry, concern or fear, people don't move and don't prepare. Anxiety isn't bad in itself; it's a signal that makes people act.

The question is what you do with it. If you move, it's sailing and progress. If you just lie in bed, it's drifting. That's a dilemma too. Is hardship good or bad?

Drifting or sailing: a storm is what you make of it

"Difficulties come not to destroy you, but to help you discover the strength within you."

When life is comfortable, people don't know the limits of their abilities. With enough money, you don't need the ability to save; when work goes well, you don't need crisis management; when you're healthy, you don't appreciate your body; when someone's beside you, you don't need the strength to stand alone.

Then one day things change. Money runs out, people leave, the business shakes, the body gets sick, and no one helps. Only then does a person draw on strength they never used. "I could do this too?"

Difficulty doesn't so much create new strength as make you discover strength that was in you all along but never used.

"A calm sea never made a skilled sailor."

The right amount of difficulty makes people stronger

Animal studies show the principle. Mice given mild, intermittent stress later freeze less, cope more actively and recover better in new stressful situations than mice with no such experience.

According to psychologist Mark Seery's research, people who've faced almost no adversity are vulnerable to stress, and those who've faced a great deal also struggle. But people who've experienced a moderate level of adversity show the most resilient responses.

Small, manageable difficulties are like a vaccine for the mind. Someone who has failed an exam once, had a small business stumble once, or had a relationship go wrong once builds an antibody through that experience: "Even if this happens, I can find a way."

On the other hand, for someone who has never eaten anything spicy, a fiery bowl of Korean instant noodles is hell.

God doesn't ask whether you're ready

Moses went from "I can't do it" to leading a nation. David, a small shepherd boy who fought wild animals, brought down the giant Goliath. Joseph went through betrayal and prison, kept using his abilities, and solved a national crisis.
God didn't handle them roughly because they were great men. He handles us the same way.

"Endure, My beloved sons and daughters."

If I removed every stone from your path, you would never learn to climb over stones. If I picked you up every time you fell, you would never learn to stand on your own. If I gave you everything and blocked all pain, you might be comfortable, but you could never be strong.

In this world the wind will blow, the rain will fall, and sometimes huge waves will crash over you. So endure. Not because I hate you, but because I know you must become stronger to overcome the world.

A greenhouse flower can't withstand a storm. But a tree that takes the wind and rain, that sways until it nearly breaks and stands up again, puts down deeper and deeper roots.

When pain comes to you, I will not let it destroy you completely. I will be beside you.