"Aliens Built My Pyramid?" The Pharaoh Is Furious
Listen, you people of later ages.
I have slept for three thousand years. And when I opened my eyes, the things you were saying were outrageous.
"That giant pyramid? No way humans built that. Aliens did." ...What?
The years my hundred thousand subjects spent hauling stone until their backs nearly broke, you credit to little green men from the sky?
Very well. I, the Pharaoh, will give you the evidence myself. Look closely, one by one.
You chatter that my people "cut the stone with lasers" or "melted it and poured it." Nonsense.
Go to Aswan. There lies a giant obelisk that was never finished. A crack appeared while it was being carved, and my stonemasons gave up on it. A shameful failure.
But that very failure became the proof that shuts your mouths. The bedrock around the obelisk still bears the deep trenches and tool marks from cutting the stone free. Marks that would have been smoothed away had it been finished were preserved, frozen in place, because it was abandoned.
And do you know what was found there? Balls of dolerite, a stone harder than granite. My masons held these in their hands and pounded, and pounded, and pounded again.
No lasers. No alien rays. Just harder stone and arms that would not quit. Your scholars only believed it after trying it themselves. You could have just asked.
"Fine, say they cut it. How did they move something that heavy?" you will ask.
In a later age, on the wall of the tomb of a nobleman named Djehutihotep, the answer is painted.
A colossal statue is placed on a wooden sledge and dragged with ropes. How many workers are in the picture? One hundred seventy-two. And in front of the sledge, one man is pouring water onto the ground.
Do not laugh at this. Wet sand has less friction than dry sand and greatly reduces the force needed to pull a sledge. Scholars of your time slapped their knees when they finally studied it.
Stone → wooden sledge → rope → many people → a path wetted with water. That was the wisdom of my people.
Do you know when this was written? In the very years my Great Pyramid was being raised. It is the record of an inspector named Merer, who led his work crew, loaded stone from the limestone quarries of Tura onto boats, and carried it along the waterways of the Nile to my pyramid's construction site at Giza.
"How did you get the stone to the pyramid?" My fine white limestone came by boat and canal, exactly as the record says.
Even Egypt's own antiquities authorities in your time acknowledge it: the fine limestone casing of the Giza pyramids was quarried at Tura and shipped in. If the tomb painting showed the principle, this logbook nails down that the principle was actually at work on my construction site.
My pyramid was not built with supernatural technology.
The patience to break stone + sledges + ropes + levers + boats and canals + hundreds of thousands of subjects + countless years.
All of this was woven together into one great order. That was the power of the land I ruled.
And still you try to give all the credit to aliens.
I am not so much angry as sad. You are asking the wrong question.
Not "How did aliens build it?" but "How did mere humans, with such humble tools, organize an entire nation to raise this?" ...That is the right question.
In 2020, when Elon Musk tweeted, half-jokingly, that "aliens built the pyramids," Egyptian archaeologist Zahi Hawass pushed back hard. There are the tombs of the pyramid workers, construction records and the papyri of Merer, he said, so why drag aliens into it? He essentially called Musk's claim nonsense.
Read the original (Korean) →
I have slept for three thousand years. And when I opened my eyes, the things you were saying were outrageous.
"That giant pyramid? No way humans built that. Aliens did." ...What?
The years my hundred thousand subjects spent hauling stone until their backs nearly broke, you credit to little green men from the sky?
Very well. I, the Pharaoh, will give you the evidence myself. Look closely, one by one.
Evidence one: the abandoned obelisk of Aswan
You chatter that my people "cut the stone with lasers" or "melted it and poured it." Nonsense.
Go to Aswan. There lies a giant obelisk that was never finished. A crack appeared while it was being carved, and my stonemasons gave up on it. A shameful failure.
But that very failure became the proof that shuts your mouths. The bedrock around the obelisk still bears the deep trenches and tool marks from cutting the stone free. Marks that would have been smoothed away had it been finished were preserved, frozen in place, because it was abandoned.
And do you know what was found there? Balls of dolerite, a stone harder than granite. My masons held these in their hands and pounded, and pounded, and pounded again.
No lasers. No alien rays. Just harder stone and arms that would not quit. Your scholars only believed it after trying it themselves. You could have just asked.
Evidence two: a nobleman's tomb painting
"Fine, say they cut it. How did they move something that heavy?" you will ask.
In a later age, on the wall of the tomb of a nobleman named Djehutihotep, the answer is painted.
A colossal statue is placed on a wooden sledge and dragged with ropes. How many workers are in the picture? One hundred seventy-two. And in front of the sledge, one man is pouring water onto the ground.
Do not laugh at this. Wet sand has less friction than dry sand and greatly reduces the force needed to pull a sledge. Scholars of your time slapped their knees when they finally studied it.
Stone → wooden sledge → rope → many people → a path wetted with water. That was the wisdom of my people.
Evidence three: a logbook written in my own time
Do you know when this was written? In the very years my Great Pyramid was being raised. It is the record of an inspector named Merer, who led his work crew, loaded stone from the limestone quarries of Tura onto boats, and carried it along the waterways of the Nile to my pyramid's construction site at Giza.
"How did you get the stone to the pyramid?" My fine white limestone came by boat and canal, exactly as the record says.
Even Egypt's own antiquities authorities in your time acknowledge it: the fine limestone casing of the Giza pyramids was quarried at Tura and shipped in. If the tomb painting showed the principle, this logbook nails down that the principle was actually at work on my construction site.
Enough of this alien talk.
My pyramid was not built with supernatural technology.
The patience to break stone + sledges + ropes + levers + boats and canals + hundreds of thousands of subjects + countless years.
All of this was woven together into one great order. That was the power of the land I ruled.
And still you try to give all the credit to aliens.
I am not so much angry as sad. You are asking the wrong question.
Not "How did aliens build it?" but "How did mere humans, with such humble tools, organize an entire nation to raise this?" ...That is the right question.
Egyptians really do get angry
In 2020, when Elon Musk tweeted, half-jokingly, that "aliens built the pyramids," Egyptian archaeologist Zahi Hawass pushed back hard. There are the tombs of the pyramid workers, construction records and the papyri of Merer, he said, so why drag aliens into it? He essentially called Musk's claim nonsense.
